I can’t believe that this Friday it will be exactly three weeks since I arrived home from Africa. Life has been on the fast foreword button ever since I have arrived. As soon as I arrived home I have been so busy I don’t even know how I have had time to do everything that I have done and even take a breath.
I drove the nine hours to Searcy two Thursdays ago and got moved in all weekend. I am so blessed to have amazing friends that were willing to help move me completely out of storage.
After finally getting moved in and unpacked I was able to stop and process this summer more. I learned and grew so much this summer. God worked in me a lot. Some of the things that He was really working on me this summer I am going to completely real and honest and share with whoever is reading this.
One of the things that He worked on me this summer was He taught me that I CAN do mission work as a single woman. God taught me that if it is His will for me to be single I can do mission work because I am not alone, I am a child of God and He has equipped me with His Holy Spirit living inside of me that is capable to do the immeasurable. But also if He does have plans for me to be with someone He taught me what it looks like to be a submissive wife and how to encourage one another in our relationships with God. Either way I know God has equipped me to do whatever His will is if I am seeking Him in everything I do. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deuteronomy 31:8. I know that if it is His will for me to be single it will be difficult sometimes, but I would rather be single following God’s will for my life than to settle with someone who isn’t a man completely in love with God and be unhappy or not treated like a daughter of God.
Even after returning to America and Harding, I realize God is still teaching me a lot! He is teaching me that it is okay to grieve for the people in America, for people in Zambia and people all around the world who do not know and have a relationship with God. I have been given the heart of the Father and my heart breaks at what breaks His. He has given me new eyes and I am learning that I need to stop listening to satin’s lies telling me that I need to change and go back to the old me to “fit in better” and the lies that I need to understand everything completely. But God is whispering in my ear, “you don’t have to change and you don’t need to understand everything”. The answer to the darkness in the world, I now see, is Jesus. I am daily trying to run as has hard as I can to Him. Not because I am trying to change the new eyes that I have, but to let Him hold me in His arms and surround me with His mercy and grace. He is daily overwhelming me with His compassion, even through the things that break my heart and make me crumble. When I think there is something I don’t know about God or the Spirit, I take hope in that. He tells me, “I teach you ALL things”. This season in my life I am just going to have to trust in His word. It is a season of Him maturing me as His daughter, to hear His voice. He has things to show me before He will send me out.
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers and thoughts this summer and supporting me and believing in me to do God’s work in Zambia. I could never express how grateful and honored I am for the experience I got this summer. Please continue to keep the Love’s in your prayers and me as I die more and more each day to myself and grow more and more closer to God.